red and black hardcover

I’ve never been so sure when I spoke the words I love you
As far as the clouds, there’s nobody above you
The stars shine, they sparkle at the sight of us
The night air dances, there’s no one quite as bright as us
Close under the covers, the feeling of your love
conquers all the bad thoughts, you’re far more than enough
the feeling of your hands making their way up my skin
the sensation when your eyes meet mine
I’ve truly let you in
Hear me out when I tell you I wasn’t certain
until I found they were actors in front of their curtain of lies
now I couldn’t be more sure, this is what I need
I’ll hold onto this for the rest of my life

I’ve watched the doubts subside,
I’ve felt the waves crash on the shore
you know my heart, you know my soul
you know the way my story’s told
you see the tears, you’ve felt the pain
you see depression strike again
you’ve seen the remains of the knives,
and the tips of sharpened pens
the sting was sweet, but you’re so much sweeter
and I feel like I don’t need this anymore

I’ve thought that I may never feel happiness again
but until now, I thought it would be okay to just pretend
still my scars will stay and linger,
I wish I never allowed the pain to become physical
and the addiction to result in medical
disaster’s what it’s become
and now I’m left to face the demons
but with you by my side,
I feel that I can sleigh them
So reveal your sword, and I’ll work up courage
to make this last as long as it can
and I’ll get my revenge, I’ll have the last word
and you’ll be there beside me
to help me live and learn

The winter air, the summer breeze
you’ll never know what you mean to me
the joy, the life you give,
I see this as a miracle
my love, all of this is beautiful
and I don’t want anything ever again
unless your hand is mine in the end
to treasure and to leave us smiling in our sleep
a blessing like this is something to keep
so hold on tight, we’ll kill off the negative
and live the rest of our days the best we can
to feel like children swimming in the sea, and to feel that pure summer breeze
and through these words I’m attempting to express
all you mean to me
and though i’ll never quite reach my goal,
just remember every word we’ve spoke
and every moment we lay together
and how what we have just may last forever.

we spent the night alone
while our hearts were apart
I felt you in my bones
underneath the stars
who would’ve known it would end like this
I wish you could’ve shown me
how you were feeling

you went in
and then it all came out
this was not the time
we fell in love and then it all fell out
I feel so guilty inside
you were so nervous
I wasn’t right to do you how I did
I wish you could’ve shown me
how you were feeling

It was all wrong,
we listened to our hearts
and forgot our heads
“it wasn’t you” is all you said
but it was, it was my fault, and now I lay in bed
wondering what else I could’ve done
can this all be forgotten

you went in
and then it all fell out
what was I thinking
where was my mind, at the time
we’re left alone bleeding
if there was one more night
I don’t know if I could make it right
can you hear me
I’m sorry, I’m sorry

If that’s what you want, I’ll move along
but you’ll never be gone to me
each and every night you say “it’s alright”
still I die a little more inside
If it’s not me, please allow me to see what’s standing in our way
uncertainty is deadly
and I feel it tearing me apart
your words have broken my heart

the play begins
you’ll be the man and I’ll be the lover
waiting for any given chance to discover
the reasons why I lay alone
away from the man who used to love me
I was yours when you gave me away
accused me of staying for all the wrong reasons
but I swear to you they were all right,
but not the alright that you claim
everything is these days.

Everything’s not alright, this porcelain girl has been melting alone in the night
you’re so close, and I can still feel you
every crack in my bones is filled by your memories
I’m bleeding, and I hope you feel the meaning
I swear this is sincere
even you said it’s nearly been a year, and I’m gone
but you’re still in my heart, it beats on and on

And on, and on
you play through my head like this song
uncertainty kills me
and wondering why the walls are black
and would they shine like the stars if you came back
you’ve sent me into the dark,
at the end of this tunnel, is that where you are ?
Please just let me know, is it far
how long will it take to feel your warm embrace
because I’m left in your arms and they’re freezing

I hate this feeling
and I swear this is sincere
cause I’m still laying here where you left me
the photos won’t fade away,
not like your love did that day
I’m still laying here wrapped in your black sheets
but you don’t feel it, you’re decaying
wrapped in the tightest air
we’ve been suffocating

and I swear this is sincere
cause I’m still laying here where you left me
and I won’t move too far from here
please just let me know you’ll be returning
the future is not too far
you’ll know where I am even if I don’t know where you are
and I won’t move from the bed that we lay in
because I don’t know if I can.

Rainbows are brought from thunderstorms, they’re not results of rain
Behind every beating heart, there is love and there is pain
You were mine, but every line I wrote has faded
Each photo becomes dated, do you remember the days back when..
We used to always be near
Vivid they are, the breaths you took in my ear
you said “I swear I need you here, I swear I need you here”
So I’ll lay by the road, fall asleep under the sky
Remenise of each and every time I looked into your eyes,
and when you’re ready I’ll be waiting..
you’re still all I ever saw in you

You couldn’t see me again

I am suffocating, hurting, anxious always
and at the same time I’m screaming, those unforgettable days
what about me was ever so appealing to you
You gave me strength to continue
I can’t believe you never saw, all I saw in you
Each day, every failed attempt we’ve made
When the flames turned to ash, you just couldn’t stay.

You couldn’t see that again

So you left,
you left my heart inflamed,
but no, you’re not to blame,
I swear you’re not to blame
It’s raining.
I’m sure you’re laying in bed, decaying
My voice pounding in your head
and I know you miss when I lay next to you
in the same bed you’re in

You couldn’t hold me again

My bones, you could touch them
I’m a fragile, broken doll
For a while I believed you’d always catch me when I fall
But for now, you’re the balcony I’ve fallen from
Don’t look now, I’m soaked in blood
falling on my own

You couldn’t, so we’re both left alone.

Heart break.
It keeps you awake when all you want to do is sleep
Your life awaits, but you can’t seem to move
because your body feels nothing but weak.
So just wait, the insatiable feeling of emptiness will fill one day
but it’ll hurt until then,
waiting around for the one you love who’s gone away.
Save me, save me from myself
Save me, you’re the only one who could
because your hand is the only one I would’ve held
Take me away, take me away from the thoughts that fill my nights
Rescue me, from those late evening demons that infect my dreams,
and that keep me from sleeping.
The darkness, it’s still, but I can’t find the words to fill
all that I feel, chasing the unknown
It’s difficult being alone
Without you, I beat myself up and regret the ruin of love
Sorry was not enough, I can not express the grief I have from all that I’ve done
I can’t seem to rest, my eyes, they’ve cried too many nights
Thank you for saving the lies, you gave me truth
and though it was ruthless I still have to face this.
All that I’ve done, one second and everything was gone
So for now I’ll sing along, to every sad song I hear
I know you won’t be there to catch my tears
Where do we go from here,
You’ll go your way and I suppose I’ll be on mine
It’s time to face what I feared,
the sole thought that I’d lose you tonight.

Give up the fight
Surrender the flame that resulted in losing your light
Remember your life, hold those you love close and please keep his best interest in mind
And think of your heart beat
and whose name it screams,
your heart bleeds,
now only fight for peace and just leave everything else behind.
Break the stars’ fall, let them land in your hands and hold on with all that you’ve got
The lightning is striking, but don’t let it kill you, you’re crying but he hasn’t forgot.
If this is real, the cement will hold the bricks, and nothing will disintegrate
Allow the dust to settle, although there’s nothing more painful then having to wait
His eyes, they hold your soul and every sweet, whispered good night
This love is not blind, so unveil the secrets; keep nothing bottled inside
Remember his heart beat, there will be no goodbye
His heart screams, he wishes he were kissing you good night
So sleep softly, the night will break and you’ll wake to a morning sun rise
Just trust in the stars,
pray he’ll forget the darkness, allow you to breathe and uprise
Take out your knives, keep this love alive
You’ve watched the flowers bloom, you can’t let them die.
Remember your heart beats, and how they’re in sync,
How would I deal with this loss..
When you sleep, focus on dreaming, but do so with your fingers crossed.
If it’s meant to be, it will, you can believe the cliche
His love is a song, just sit back and let it play
Let the dust settle down, and let him find his way…
Just wait. There’s nothing more to do then step back, let him think, give him space
But that sentence is poison,
filled with the blood of a dove that you can’t seem to let fly away…

I know I’ve disappointed you,
is this the revenge you’ve been craving?
I feel the coldest winters snow landing on my face.
It lays a beautiful blanket, but underneath it all
it covers dead grass; the blades who caught its fall.
I remember the flaming fire, it was the one that burnt you down;
I recall the moments of each night when your tears were the only sound.
The leaves are turning and seasons are changed,
as are the poisons arousing what your tongue tastes.
This feeling is so bitter, the loneliness of night,
the sorrowful markings we share, the bullets we were willing to bite.
Sleeping alone in the coldest of weather; I will admit it’s a new sort of pleasure.
Her eyes are very beautiful, porcelain skin that holds in her beating heart,
your arms warming your new companion underneath the stars.
You have found happiness, I feel it in the wind;
I see it in your dancing smile, I found it in your grin.
I will do my best to forgive; you are such a beautiful, elegant creature;
a treasure inside of a buried chest.
I’ve found a long lost empathy, I pray you’re never less than joyful.
And as I said these nights are lonely while I sit next to myself,
I speak with what I’ve done; I’ve faced my darkest deeds, all of them can burn in hell.
Still I wake up to the message that you’re disappointed in me;
You’re carving my heart little by little, pieces are spiraling to your feet.
I’ll walk to the quaint spot where I wish that you would meet me,
but you’re ringing her doorbell and surprising her with beauties;
I can’t help but wonder if you’re entirely ready.
You say you can see through me but your eyes are closed so tight,
the hours are slow as I drift into a dream; I’ll rest there with delight.
A small eight hour get away, a place of peace and temporary tranquility.
I know that when I wake, I will need to stay strong to deal with the days.
Still there’s the smallest bit of comfort in the smell left on my covers,
does my scent still travel with you? In your heart will I discover
that you’re outside healing is honest, and your beating is in sync with another?
I’ve set you free, you’ve chosen your path;
the strongest butterfly breaking loose from a closed hand.
Ahead of me, a pleasant future, and brighter days to come;
I’ll focus on myself for now, just know I will miss you, my love.

just in case you’re checking.
just in case you feel alone;
just in case those butterflies go away as fast as they’ve flown.
If one day you feel ice cold,
if one day there’s a shiver through your bones
We’ve been through hell; we’ve sat in the flames.
The fire’s always burning, a warm place for you to go.

never forgotten, never unloved.

Concerts; the one place you can feel entirely yourself, enduring the music that soothes your soul; surrounded by the people who appreciate it most. You jump with no trepidation; there’s no telling if they’ll catch you when you fall. But hearing the voice that sings your struggles, the lyrics that get you through each night, you let go. You feel nothing but the rhythm and you’re the wind.

just a thought.